My healing journey with dyslexia (2)

What an interesting dose of reality to actually write for only the second time in public about my "reading issue," which I've spent my whole life ignoring, coping with, and making excuses for. It's been extremely humbling. Extremely.

So Wednesday I drove with my teenage son for 2 hours up to Wausau, WI, to chat with Anne Mataczynski, a practitioner of the Davis Learning Program. She assessed us and explained how she can train me to read easily and train both of us to still our ADHD-type minds so we can focus for extended periods (like more than 30 seconds) when we need to. She was fabulous, and it was a great day overall. 

But starting Tuesday night, I felt very subdued and quiet inside, avoiding doing anything, having a hard time mustering my natural enthusiasm. The feeling continued through Friday, even after the day with Anne. The subdued feeling felt like a small child cowering within, feeling like she was going to get in trouble for something she'd been hiding a long time, and also feeling sad and afraid at the ending of something. 

So I had a chat with her on the way up.  I explained that I loved her and that she wasn't "in trouble". I said her mind is simply wired to think in pictures and that it's actually a gift.  She can think very fast, be extremely creative and put together things in new ways.  (Einstiein thought this way for pete's sake: he saw the theory of relativity in a daydream, in just a minute or two, and it's taken zillions of books and conversations since then to parse it out.) 

No More Excuses... Will Life Change?

So I told this inner sliver of me that she's perfectly loveable but has simply had a hard time focusing on squiggles that represent sounds that represent meaning. No biggie, we've coped fine. But she knew that now I will lose my excuses for not reading books, mail, and other things... Another part of her didn't want to change, was resisting, thinks of reading as a waste of time, which I think is just leftover frustrations and sour grapes. She was also afraid that life would be very different being able to read well, that we'd lose something. I assured her that with training, we could only gain the ability to read well and wouldn't lose anything. Training wouldn't change us. (Of course, she is me, and I was talking to myself.) 

It's funny, though. I find many folks who are aggresively uninterested in alternative healing are actually at their core (and not always consciously) afraid that the healing would CHANGE them, change who they are, make them into a different person, and that the change would be strange. And here, within me, was a fragment of myself afraid that I would be changed by being able to read well -- how ironic. And how human.

But deeper than that was my core fear, which it took me another day or two after meeting Anne to identify...  If I can read, then I can finish editing my books, and I'll have to "get out there". I've been playing small for a long time, hiding out, and dyslexia may be one of the tools I've used to keep myself small... what will happen when I reveal my gifts? Part of me is terrified.  

Have you ever been afraid of stepping into your potential?

Dyslexia Is a Gift

Dyslexia is a gift, a way of staying in "right-brain", outside-the-box thinking, without being bogged down by linear thinking. For dyslexics, however, the important question is: how can you use this fast and powerful way of thinking to improve life on our planet, instead of simply spending all your energy coping, or avoiding reality?

One of the biggest gifts I've received is that I haven't read many other people's books and ideas about how the world works. Instead of reading their inspired thoughts and "downloads" from the Universe, I was driven to tune into the same station they are listening to, and get my own downloads. I LOVE this connection. And I LOVE sharing the amazing understandings I get for the individuals I work with, as well as insights about the healer's spiritual journey in general. 

This connection will not end with dyslexia training.  Perhaps it's simply time to be able to also glean information from humans via the written word, or to get my own ideas out. Though this fall is densely scheduled and it's hard to take time away from our four kids, I'd like to do this week-long program... I'll keep you posted.

Resources
~ Click on this link to order Ron Davis's amazing book "The Gift of Dyslexia" from amazon.com. I also highly recommend "The Gift of Learning", where he describes clearly and simply what's happening in the mind with ADD / ADHD and other learning issues, and how to help.

~ Visit  dyslexia.com for details, a practitioner listing, and learning materials.  Anne's website is: GemLearningCenter.com. 

Comments

[Robin]

That was a very poetic description of the wounded healer. Thank you. Being a voracious reader I find this fascinating--and it would be to me unfathomable. I found I had trouble following your description of how you handle data on the page when reading. The description is beautiful. It's not that. It's that my mind can't see it that way. I also love the rhythm and feel of language, but I must process that differently. Thanks for the insights.

[Robin]

I watched the video interview with Ron Davis, author of The Gift of Dyslexia. This man is THE most humble man I have ever heard speak. His brilliance is undeniable yet he struggled with the thought that he was not even quite human because of his "learning disabilities." It takes the wounded healer to show us how coming through the shadow side of an archetype can lead us to the sunshine of change. That change brings grace--it is just that our culture does not honor grace. We don't know how to define it or recognize it for a multitude of reasons we won't go into here. But you and your work, including your writing, helps our culture to accept the grace in coming out of the shadow into the light. Thanks for the inspiration.

[Cathy]

Daria, what a gift you have given to us! Like Robin, I am a voracious reader and could never understand how others didn't get the same satisfaction from reading that I do. But now I totally understand! If it is such a painful process, why would someone want to do it? All I know is that you have a brilliant mind and are and AMAZING healer and coach! ;-) Dyslexia - Schmyslexia!

I have a suggestion for anyone who may have a difficult time writing down their ideas: Who says that YOU physically have to WRITE them?Dictate them and have them transcribed. Develop an outline so you know what you want to cover when you're talking, and then let 'er rip! And you can always hire someone to edit the manuscript/document, as well! You just need to get your unique ideas on paper, and this is one way to do it.